It's the Little Things...
that really piss me off.
There are so many huge, huge problems in this world. Hurricanes, wars, poverty, the racial divide, the threat of new albums from Mariah Cary. I just want to take some time to point out or reiterate some of the little things that don't make me wish I was dead, but make me wish everyone else was.
Most of these are evidence of a kind of wise spread solipcism. See if you agree:
1. Those big golf course style umbrellas on city sidewalks. I have been railing at bad umbrella manners for a long time and I have pointed out before that NYers used to be much more courteous in this area than they are now. The very idea that anyone's fat ass needs one of these 5 foot span umbrellas is ridiculous. It's rude and selfish and makes the use look like a complete asshole.
2. Those wheelie luggage things. Used to be the only place you saw those were in an airport. Pieces of luggage on wheels with a retractable handle for pulling along behind. Suddenly, almost overnight, everyone needs these to get to and from work everyday. People will be pulling these along behind, over people's toes, stopping to window shop or dial some all-important call and then that stupid wagon they are tugging along ends up tripping someone.
3. Smokers who don't know how. Listen. If you didn't learn how to properly smoke a cigarette in junior high then you should never have started. When you smoke as you walk, be careful on the back swing. Thats a small burning object you are swinging down and behind you between puffs and there are other people on the sidewalk. I got a small burn mark on a shirt from someone doing this on a crowded stretch of walk. The smoker was swinging her arm WAY out to clear the obscenely large purse she was carrying (at least it wasn't on wheels) and she got me at the elbow.
4. Super-duper important types who set up a lunch time office in the deli where other people are trying to eat and escape from the office for a few minutes. Shut the hell up about whatever you and your coworkers find so compelling and eat. Or, talk about sports or sex or the best place to score some good weed or anything but work. At least tone it down. The rest of us aren't impressed that you are thinking outside the box and changing the paradigm. Got it?
5. Ladies, please. Sensible shoes. I have said it many times. Most straight women think the whole world wants to see their cute little toes. To that end, the wear the most impractical footwear since Elton John in the 70's. They can never make it up and down a flight of stairs and getting stuck behind them at a subway stations is infuriating. Wear something you can walk in and then change when you get to work.
6. Lunch time tie flingers. This one shouldn't bother me at all but it does. Whenever I see a guy at lunch fling his tie over his shoulder as he sits down to eat I honestly start to wonder if I could get away with killing him. He is making the statement that he is not yet old enough to wear a tie but someone is making him do so. When you are old enough to dress like an adult, you are old enough to not spill lunch on yourself. If you fling your tie over your shoulder, god help me, I fucking hate you.
7. People who carry boomboxes around with them cranked up. The 80's are long over. Get a Walkman or an iPod or anything else. We don't give a shit about your poor taste in music but we also don't share it. Don't give me any bullshit about expense either. Most of the boomboxes I have seen lately are fairly new.
Now it's time to go to lunch. I'm sure I will be adding to the list soon.
GshepNYC@aol.com
