Devil's Boy Toy
The Stupidest Person. Ever.
I was in my favorite deli a short time ago today having lunch. I like the deli. It's clean and neat and the salad bar is fresh and inviting. It's run by a group of Korean Jesus freaks who are utterly sweet but they play christmas music non-stop from early November all the way through the holidays.
I tell you that to tell you this. The woman next to me did not "get" the gag in the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." The song was playing over the PA system and she remarked to her friend "I've never known what is so christmasy about cheating on your husband." The look on her friend's face told me this was not joke. Maybe her idiot friend wasn't the type to make jokes or maybe she had a history of missing sly meanings. She gets the nod but not the wink-wink. Whatever the reason, the friend looked at the woman with the sort of caring incredulity that seems to ask "should I just have you put to sleep for your own good, honey?" Only a close friend can ever have that look. Sometimes a family member of an Alzheimer's patient.
But one must wonder if it is indeed stupidity or did she, as a little girl, catch Mommy kissing Santa Claus and it sure wasn't daddy? Or WAS it daddy and even THEN she was too stupid to understand and it has ruined her life? I prefer that explanation.
My grandfather would say "and they let people like this vote." What on earth keeps this woman from confusing inhale with exhale and suffocating herself? Was one of her parents a log of driftwood?
By the way she was dressed in expensive clothes she obviously has a good job. It's an office neighborhood lunch joint and she had a co-worker vibe going on with her friend so she isn't just some rich guy's trophy wife. Some rich blind guy that is. No, she has a good job which is just infuriating. This isn't sour grapes. It is just totally against the laws of nature for this person to succeed. By all rights she should have been drown in a bathtub or left on the side of a hill for the wolves and the elements.
Nothing this person ever says, thinks or believes has any validity. Period.
One wonders what the average day is like for her. Is she distracted by shiny things? Does she ponder the mystery behind how a new Kleenex pops up every time you pull one out? When she pulls out the last one and there is no new one popping up does she berate herself for not praying hard enough?
What is her apartment like? John Tesh on the stereo, The Celestine Prophecies on tape and Thomas Kinkaid on the walls? Do less discerning men take advantage of her and if not, why not?
The mind reels.
Gshepnyc@aol.com
Harry Potter Pisses Me Off
I haven't blogged in ages because I am in the middle of another writing project that demands what little effort I can pour out onto my keyboard. I was compelled to blog today though.
I had been planning to see, among other movies this holiday season, the new Harry Potter. I was surprised to learn they are up to 3 or 4 of those now. I saw the first one and absolutely hated it. The bad guy couldn't hurt Harry because Harry's mother loved him??? Give me a fucking break.
But a number of Sodomite Potterites that I know have convinced me that things have improved and that I should give the franchise another try. Plus which, how can I resist something that so many jesus freaks despise? However, today I clicked on a website and a pop-up for Harry Potter, well, popped up and I couldn't get it to close. I finally had to restart my damn computer. So now I will not be going to see the new Harry Potter movie because that is just the sort of unreasonable crank that I am.
gshepnyc@aol.com
It's the Little Things...
that really piss me off.
There are so many huge, huge problems in this world. Hurricanes, wars, poverty, the racial divide, the threat of new albums from Mariah Cary. I just want to take some time to point out or reiterate some of the little things that don't make me wish I was dead, but make me wish everyone else was.
Most of these are evidence of a kind of wise spread solipcism. See if you agree:
1. Those big golf course style umbrellas on city sidewalks. I have been railing at bad umbrella manners for a long time and I have pointed out before that NYers used to be much more courteous in this area than they are now. The very idea that anyone's fat ass needs one of these 5 foot span umbrellas is ridiculous. It's rude and selfish and makes the use look like a complete asshole.
2. Those wheelie luggage things. Used to be the only place you saw those were in an airport. Pieces of luggage on wheels with a retractable handle for pulling along behind. Suddenly, almost overnight, everyone needs these to get to and from work everyday. People will be pulling these along behind, over people's toes, stopping to window shop or dial some all-important call and then that stupid wagon they are tugging along ends up tripping someone.
3. Smokers who don't know how. Listen. If you didn't learn how to properly smoke a cigarette in junior high then you should never have started. When you smoke as you walk, be careful on the back swing. Thats a small burning object you are swinging down and behind you between puffs and there are other people on the sidewalk. I got a small burn mark on a shirt from someone doing this on a crowded stretch of walk. The smoker was swinging her arm WAY out to clear the obscenely large purse she was carrying (at least it wasn't on wheels) and she got me at the elbow.
4. Super-duper important types who set up a lunch time office in the deli where other people are trying to eat and escape from the office for a few minutes. Shut the hell up about whatever you and your coworkers find so compelling and eat. Or, talk about sports or sex or the best place to score some good weed or anything but work. At least tone it down. The rest of us aren't impressed that you are thinking outside the box and changing the paradigm. Got it?
5. Ladies, please. Sensible shoes. I have said it many times. Most straight women think the whole world wants to see their cute little toes. To that end, the wear the most impractical footwear since Elton John in the 70's. They can never make it up and down a flight of stairs and getting stuck behind them at a subway stations is infuriating. Wear something you can walk in and then change when you get to work.
6. Lunch time tie flingers. This one shouldn't bother me at all but it does. Whenever I see a guy at lunch fling his tie over his shoulder as he sits down to eat I honestly start to wonder if I could get away with killing him. He is making the statement that he is not yet old enough to wear a tie but someone is making him do so. When you are old enough to dress like an adult, you are old enough to not spill lunch on yourself. If you fling your tie over your shoulder, god help me, I fucking hate you.
7. People who carry boomboxes around with them cranked up. The 80's are long over. Get a Walkman or an iPod or anything else. We don't give a shit about your poor taste in music but we also don't share it. Don't give me any bullshit about expense either. Most of the boomboxes I have seen lately are fairly new.
Now it's time to go to lunch. I'm sure I will be adding to the list soon.
GshepNYC@aol.com
Fuck Bush
One way to do it: Don't confirm Roberts for Supreme Court. Don't do it. Everyone thinks he is a shoo-in. Everyone talks as though it's already in the bag. Bush is predictably demanding that Roberts be confirmed by the next session of the Court. Don't let him have it.
I don't even care if there is no good reason on Roberts' part although there is plenty of that.
Bush has let this country down again and again. Time after time he and his stooges have dragged us into untenable circumstances and when the shit hits the fan he stands there with his stupid, clueless grin and pretends everything is just great.
When Bill Clinton chose his own head of FEMA he picked a guy with 20 years experience in emergency management. He didn't politicize the post or use it to pay back political favors. Bush did just that, the way he and his pet Rove politicize everything. The top positions of FEMA under Bush were given to men with NO experience in emergency management at all. They are people who helped out on Bush's campaign. This is the contempt the President has for the American people and it's time we returned the sentiment by writing to our senators and insisting they deny Roberts and maybe even the next several nominees a place on the bench.
Life will go on. The Republic will not fall because of an understaffed Court. It will be a small step toward ensuring Bush has severely limited avenues to impact the nation when his term is mercifully over.
GShepNYC@aol.com
There Is No God: Reason # 796
Would you not gladly sacrifice all of Florida for even one block of New Orleans?
On the other hand, building a whole city below sea level so close to the actual sea is a fairly bad idea as ideas go. I think that's pretty clear.
Gshepnyc@aol.com
"From Hell's Heart I Stab at Thee!"
That was all the caller said. I was thanking them profusely and laughing uncontrollably when they hung up.
It was the best crank call ever. Don't know who it was. I've been asking friends, none of which are the type to think a thing is funnier if they deny responsibility rather than fess up when confronted, so I believe them when they say that none of them did it.
It must have been a random crank call.
Now, what are the odds of a LITERATE crank caller dialing and getting a LITERATE mark? It's not like the quoted
The Lord of the Rings, or the latest John Grisham or some other piece of shit. They quoted actual literature. I tried to respond in kind with the rest of the quote: "For hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee!" but they hung up the phone too fast.
Oh well. They made my day anyway.
By the way, the quote is from
Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
GShepNYC@aol.com
And On the Eighth Day God Took a Huge Dump and He Saw That It Was Kansas...
Not content to rest on the laurels of the well deserved ridicule they received in 1999 when they last attacked Evolution, the Kansas Board of Education has once again stood up to be counted with the mentally challenged poopheads who subscribe to the idea of so called "Intelligent Design Theory." They are, this time, including language in science textbooks that is much more critical of evolution, misleading students into thinking that evolution is less well supported than it is.
Intelligent Design (ID) is just cynically repackaged creationism which is nothing more than unsubstantiated religious dogma. The problem is that the IDers have now butressed themselves with proponents who have PhDs but who invariably either teach at less than fully accredited schools, or community colleges and blatantly religious institutes. They seldom have anything of note published and are not taken seriously by those they would claim are their peers.
However, they bandy about their titles and demand equal time. Having been slaughtered repeatedly in debate and peer review, many of these neo creationists have adopted the tactic of insisting that schools "teach the controversy." In other words, devote classroom time to the fact that morons are convinced that evolution is nonsense and that some god whipped us all up as-is in his kitchen. Morons.
The "controversy" is entirely manufactured by those who want it taught but I'll play along a moment. Teach it appropriately. It should be taught in social studies and history classes and given the same amount of time given to other similar historical footnotes such as the belief by some that if one sails his ship too far out to sea one would sail over the edge of a flat earth and into an abyss.
We may have all been created by an all powerful god. We may also live on a flat earth resting on the back of an endless stack of cosmic turtles. Winged monkeys may also fly out of my ass and carry me to the moon for tea with Jesus at his summer place.
Gshepnyc@aol.com
The Sanctimony of Marriage Continues...
Monsignor Eugene Clark is one of the most vocal and vitriolic members of the NYC catholic clergy when it comes to matters of priestly celibacy (he's all for it!), homosexuals (don't like 'em, no sir.), and what he claims is "the most immoral country in the western hemisphere" (yeah, the U.S.A.).
A fixture among the rich and powerful, as is befitting a man of the cloth of course, it should come as no surprise that Msgr. Clark was a character witness for the infamous Roy Cohn. This should have taken very little time, as Mr. Cohn had very little character to witness to. We are known by the company we keep, are we not?
Then came the priest pedophilia scandal and Clark hit the pulpit to blame it all on those damn gays again. Gays "infiltrating the priesthood" and ignoring their vows of celibacy and persisting in their "disorder" as he terms it.
Praise Jesus. The good Monignor has been caught in an affair with a married woman. A woman who worked for him. A woman whose very marriage he presided over! This piece of crap in a collar deserves every ounce of comeuppance that is now headed his way.
Gshepnyc@aol.com
